Today is the 85th of March, or possibly 86th or 87th by the time this gets posted. There is a global pandemic.
I tried to start a “COVID19 journal” about what life has been like during this, but it was depressing. The trips that were canceled, the events that didn’t take place, the endless March, the emotions, the tears, the Distance Learning, the sibling strife, the stereotypical quarantine hobbies: sourdough, gardening, bird watching, zoom birthday parties.
The days have run together in a nightmare version of Groundhog Day. I vaguely know what day of the week it is based on what zoom meetings the kids have, and what conference calls my husband is on.
I’m not okay, but apparently I’m faking okay fairly convincingly to those who follow me on Facebook. Years of faking okay-ness in Christian Science have come in handy for this, and on some level we are okay, if you look at Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs we’re doing pretty well, except we’re also not okay, because there’s a global pandemic and the kids are at home 24/7 and the novelty of all this togetherness wore off back when it was still actually March.
If I’m not okay, but all of my needs are being met, what is wrong? Nothing is particularly wrong, I’m “just” exhausted. What is so exhausting about being home 24/7? I’m overseeing the Distance Learning of two children with very different needs and curriculum, and attending virtual parent evenings, regularly being in touch with their teachers, and keeping up with their work. I’m planning, shopping, and preparing 1-3 meals (plus snacks) a day 7 days a week, while trying to limit my trips to the grocery store. I’m trying to keep up with the housework, routine home maintenance, and laundry. I’m trying to keep up my exercise routine — stress baking and “eating my feelings” was a thing for a while, and I’m also trying not to aggravate any old injuries, to name a few things.
When 2020 started I had high hopes, things were going to go okay. I lined up some ambitious travel plans, both with family and on my own, I was going to blog more, take better care of my self, and perhaps re-enter the work force after a bit of time off to focus on volunteering and children.
Now it is March 85th, and for the last 72 days I haven’t been farther than the local grocery store. I’ve resigned myself to stretchy pants (if you know of any that have adequate pockets I’m interested, extra points if they don’t look like slouchy stretchy pants and would be good for summer heatwaves), and t-shirts. I want this to be over, and for things to return to normal, but I’m not sure exactly what this is and I’m not sure normal is going to happen, and I’m not sure a return to normal is a solution.