In the car today Kid1 wanted to listen to kid music. I obligingly put on the kid-appropriate album on the ipod and up popped the five little monkeys song.

For those of you fortunate enough not to have heard it well over a hundred times, the premise is there are five little monkeys jumping on the bed, one falls off and bumps his head, his mom calls the doctor and the doctor says, no more monkeys jumping on the bed! The remaining monkeys missed the message, and continue to bump their heads until none remain.

Calling doctors, even in song, was not part of my childhood. There are so many problems with this song:

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed

One fell off and bumped his head!

Momma called the doctor and the doctor said

No more monkeys jumping on the bed!

For starters, “jumping on the bed” is suggesting erroneous behavior – aggressive mental suggestion is something to be avoided, and certainly not sung about!

“One fell off and bumped his head!” Accidents are unknown to God, the monkey could not have been hurt, more aggressive mental suggestion! The monkey is a Spiritual Child of God (well maybe not, he is after all a MONKEY), so he could not possibly be hurt.

A CS Momma would never call a doctor, a CSP perhaps, and if there was a lot of blood maybe a CS Nurse, but a doctor? Nope.

Having looked in some of our older children’s books I’ve seen how things have been edited/censored to be more CS-appropriate. The very hungry caterpillar, for example, did not feel “sick” after he ate his way through an entire book, instead he felt “very full.” Fair enough, but how would one change up the monkey song?

Five little monkeys sitting quietly on the bed.

One decided to read the weekly lesson sermon.

That wouldn’t be much fun would it?